RIP Flash!
About 5 Minutes to Kill Yourself: Wedding Day
It feels weird to jump into a game where your mission is literally “5 minutes to kill yourself,” and yet that’s exactly what Wedding Day sets up. You wake up on your wedding day—bouquet in hand, ring on your finger, loved ones (or at least random NPCs) milling around—and the clock starts ticking. The whole point is to find creative ways to off yourself before time runs out, using anything from a toaster to a conveniently placed bee hive. It’s dark humor taken to an absurd extreme.
The mechanics are straightforward but surprisingly engaging. You’ve got this little room full of items, and your task is to experiment: Can you stack furniture in a way that crushes you? Will jumping out a window do the trick? It’s almost like one of those point-and-click escape-room puzzles, except the escape is your own demise. Each attempt is a weird, morbid logic puzzle, and figuring out the “right” combination of objects becomes oddly satisfying—if a bit twisted.
Despite the subject matter, the visuals are cartoonish and the soundtrack is peppy enough that you’re never completely overwhelmed by gloom. There’s a jokey voiceover, too, that cracks wise whenever you botch an attempt and end up in some tragicomic scenario. On one hand, it’s unsettling; on the other, it’s so over-the-top that it veers into the realm of parody. Some players see it as social commentary on wedding stress or life’s bigger anxieties, while others just want to see what ridiculous way they can off themselves next.
Of course, this isn’t a game for everyone. If you’re uncomfortable with suicide—even in cartoon form—it’s not the sort of thing you’ll enjoy. But if you’re into dark, experimental puzzles that double as a kind of twisted stand-up routine, there’s a certain gleeful shock value to be found. Just don’t let the clock run out before you’ve had your fill of bizarre deaths.